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Showing posts from 2013

Piece #59 - Indecisive

I have to admit that I've been rather indecisive lately. I'm trying to remember a time in the past when I was so unaware in my life! I think the bad part is that by a certain point you should have reached were you wanted to be. Sadly that is not my case, because I always thought I'd be writing comic books, manga, novel or short stories. So far the only things I've "published" have been these blogs about my life with Asperger's. I don't know if it's the age or autism, but I'm at a point right now where I have no idea what to do. Honestly, I never thought at this point I'd still be teaching...in high school no less! Maybe college, but not in the public school system I can tell you that for sure.
Don't get me wrong, I still love to write, but I feel like I've lost a little of my passion. I guess when you fight for so many years on stories and working with artists then the company either doesn't like your stuff or they go belly up i…

Piece #58 - Lost

I think the greatest irony in living in this world is though there are billions of people on this planet; we still have times when we feel lost. Actually, lost can mean a lot of things from identity, friends, location, or worst of all...self. I'll bet that for many of you, it feels like you’re missing a piece of yourself. Of course if you’re naturally lost in a location then you are missing direction. (And, yes, that has happened to me on more occasions than I'm willing to admit at this time. However, I did get a smart phone and I can now say 'thank you Lord for GPS'!!!) I will admit that I have gotten lost in my own city; that I have lived in for most of my life!!!! (I know, that's pretty sad.) And no, that has nothing to do with my Asperger's. I will forget stuff, as I've mentioned in the past, but not when I'm driving around in the city that I live in for crying out loud! As for movies and television shows that dealt with being lost, I was never a fa…

Piece #57 - Privacy

Here is a department I have a difficult time with. As you have read before, timing was never one of my best talents. I remember on many occasions when I would go use the restroom only to discover that one of my young daughters had been using it first and in their adolescent voice they would simply tell me "privacy, privacy". Early on they were well aware of the idea behind having time alone to do things without others. Sadly, my daughters didn't quite always understand privacy of other people...like mom and dad. (Know what I mean?) I've tried to give my daughters their space from my first one to the last ones; it's been a struggle because trust was an issue I had with most of them...especially when they got older. It's kind of funny because there were some children I could trust over others and in many ways that did disappoint me.

Is this a really big deal? Well to some it is, but I tend to be short sighted, meaning I tend to ignorant of people's privacy. …

Piece #56 - Scorpio

I found this rather fascinating. Most of you know that my birthday is November 6th so that makes me a Scorpio. This comes from http://zodiac-signs-astrology.com/zodiac-signs/scorpio.htm I will admit that being a Scorpio is rather cool! (Better than a crab!)
Scorpio and Independence: Scorpios are fiercely independent. They are able to accomplish anything they put their mind to and they won't give up. They are perfectly suited to being on their own. They are not social butterflies like some other zodiac signs and some actually prefer to live on their own that way there is never any issue of who controls what at home, they like to be in control.

Scorpio and Friendship: Relationships with Scorpio are always complicated, just like the person, their relationships are a series of extremes, they can even be downright moody for no apparent reason. Scorpios are known for their possessiveness and jealousy but on the other hand, they are extremely loyal. Scorpios have an excellent memory and com…

Piece #55 - Asperger Movies and Television

I know I will be writing a different posting on movies in general later on, but my goal here is to talk about autism in the media and how Asperger's is used in movies and television. I have seen several movies and television shows that directly address autism in their performances, but I honestly haven't seen them all. I think the best way to tackle this is by addressing the movies first and then finishing out with television. I think Hollywood is trying to do the right thing, but like most media in Hollywood...they don't always get it right. (I think in some way they are a little out of touch with reality.)

By far the best film I've seen is "Mary and Max" because it is based on a true story. It was done in Claymation, but the content is excellent. It's the story of two people who strike up an exchange of letters between them. Mary is from Australia and Max is from New York City. Mary first simply inquires about what it's like in America and Max with h…

Piece #54 - Stubborn as a Mule!

As I was reading through the different symptoms of Asperger's, the one I found interesting and I never really thought about was stubbornness. I always thought that would be a woman thing! (Just kidding...no ugly emails please, I bruise easily!) Actually, I have found I am rather stubborn to a fault. I'm glad I'm not completely that way because in all honesty, my wife and I would be divorced. I will admit that it takes a lot of restraint to keep my stubbornness in check. I can say that I remember a time when I was younger there was a television ad for Arby's and I really hated the commercial...so much so that one day when my dad stopped in to get a bite to eat at, yes, Arby's; I refused to go in the restaurant. My dad couldn't understand why I didn't want to go, but I was so adamant about not going in, I was practically crying because I hated the store...all because of a terrible ad on television. I do like Arby's today, but the doctor will be the first …

Piece #53 - Method to My MADNESS!!!

As I hope you've been able to read, I have had a difficult time with being able to function 'normally' in this world as an adult with Asperger's Syndrome. Some of the hardest things I have had to work through are the way I do things. Earlier I have discussed my thinking pattern, my dealing with other people and so on, but here I want to address the simple and complex way I do things like from driving a car to teaching a class; I don't always do it the same way most other people might perform the task. Everyone has an opinion on the best way to do certain tasks and in all fairness, the logic can be very sound, but when you have Asperger's, logic has a way of getting twisted.

One of my wife's biggest pet peeves is how I generally drive a car. Technically you would use one foot to drive (unless you drive a stick shift). I however drive with two feet. Can I drive with one foot? Yes, I can easily drive with one foot, but there are times when I'm really paying…

Piece #52 - The Blues

My wife has always been a huge fan of Eeyore the donkey, though I was never sure why. I can with confidence say that not all Asperger people (Aspies) suffer from depression, but I can understand the weight one would feel if they were under constant pressure of being autistic. I can find myself slipping into a depressive state if things aren't going the way I had hoped or wishing that my conditions would be better. My condition was Asperger's with OCD, but I've never been diagnosed with depression with the other stuff. My wife is a different story. I know depression can be very dangerous.

As I mentioned a second ago, my wife is a huge Eeyore fan, but she wasn't always depressed. If you go back and read "Tragedy and 2009", I think you might have a better idea why my wife has been depressed. I know she wants to feel better and I know she will, it just takes time, love and therapy to help get through it. I don't believe you can get over it completely, but it…

Piece #51 - Secrets

I'm not sure if this is harder for me or my wife. I have learned that some secrets are best kept to one's self because the revelations of the information may actually do more damage than healing. I felt secrets have been saviors and dangers. Having Asperger's, this has to be one of the hardest things to judge because I'm not sure when it's right to hold on to a secret and when to tell. I've always been one to be honest, but holding on to information isn't tough, it's just hard to tell when the time is right to say anything. One of my worst problems has been that I will remember the information I have to keep secret, but then along the way...I forget! The memory problem can create havoc in my head because even though the information might be important, it can still get lost in all the other stuff in my head.

There are times when I'll have a secret, but the seriousness of it to me might not be that important, until I mention it later. I have a hard tim…

Piece #50 - Reunions

This year marks my 25th high school class reunion. I've only attended one reunion and that was my 10th. Why the 10th? I guess because I was curious to see what had happened to everyone in that first 10 years. Sadly when my wife and I attended, I came to find out that not a lot really changed. They all acted the same way I remember from school, but just 10 years older. I haven't been to a single reunion since. I know there are college reunions, but I've not seen any invitations to any and I'm not sure if I'd ever go. Jaimee had her 25th union last year and she never even gave it a thought. In fact, she hasn't been to any of her reunions. I don't blame her. I guess in some ways technology has bridged the gap for my curiosity into what has happened to old friends...Facebook, Twitter, Google+, etc.

In a small way, I wouldn't mind seeing everyone again, but with my Asperger's, it makes it REALLY difficult to suck it up and go. We're having it at a ba…

Special Piece - New Member of the Family {UPDATE!!!}

I wanted to pause for a moment to insert a very special moment in my life. On July 26th, 2013 1:34 in the afternoon, my oldest daughter gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. Her name is Sophia Kaye Guyles. This is my first grandchild and to me a very special person in my life. I realize many of you that read this blog might already be a grandparent and so with that I must tip my hat to you. I honestly have no idea what is to come, but I am rather excited. There are many times I have to wonder what do I do? How can I be the best grandparent? I think sometimes I do worry about my Asperger's and what kind of effect that might have on my newest member. I will say that I not concerned whether or not Sophia will be autistic because I'll love her just way she is...just like my children.

I just know that I want to make sure that she understands that my wife, children and I will always be there for her, but most importantly...Jesus will be there for her. She will hear what the Lord has d…

Piece #49 - Minds-n-Mazes

Throughout this blog, I've tried to give the average person a glimpse of what it's like to live this life with Asperger's Syndrome. In some ways, if you were to ask me what my brain is like in its thought processes; the best answer I can give you is my mind is like a complicated maze. It is true that I do forget things like information, instructions, what people have said, clothes that were worn, what I did that day, etc. It's mostly my short term memory that slips, but there are many times when I suddenly remember something...pictures, a song, a certain phrase that I hear, something on TV; things like that can all be triggers for my brain to suddenly remember an event or other things that jog my memory. Experts say that people with Asperger's have incredibly high I.Q.'s which I was tested and that is the case. (Actually, Christen and Sarah have been tested with high I.Q.'s as well.) I'm not big on bragging about how smart I am because I didn't do t…

Piece #48 - Mission Field

This posting is kind of a sequel to the last posting dealing with Self-Image #47. I mentioned in that post that instead worrying about your appearance, maybe you're better off trying to show others what you can do rather than concerning yourself with appearances. Being able to go out and help others is called the mission field...or basically glorifying God. If you simply do something helpful to someone else and not boasting about it then you're giving God the glory. It doesn't mean you have to go to some foreign country and hand out bibles to be on a mission. In many ways, my classroom is my mission field. I see hundreds of students every day and there are a few times when religion is brought up by the students and I'm able to talk with them about it. I will be honest and tell you that there are times when I wish I could do more than just be in the classroom, but I realize this is where the Lord wants me to be and I'll just have to deal with it. So...You never know…

Piece #47 - Self Image

Here's a real tough issue that I've semi addressed in a blog or two. Before I was taking medication for my mood stabilizer, I rarely had given self-image a lot of thought. As I've mention before, I was teased a lot when I was younger and they tried to demoralize the way I looked, dressed or spoke; but I didn't give it much creed. I believe a little push with self-image can be beneficial if it improves your life. The Lord does say that our body's are a temple and we to take care of it, but we can't obsesses over our imagine. It wasn't until I was a little older that I tried a little harder to make myself look better for the girls.  I guess if I allowed the tease to really affect me then I might have been typing this blog as we speak.

Society seems to believe that most females have the hardest time with self-image. To be honest, this is a concept that I'm still gaining a real understanding for how girls get their image. Is it the words I say? Is it my non…