Throughout this blog, I've tried to give the average person a glimpse of what it's like to live this life with Asperger's Syndrome. In some ways, if you were to ask me what my brain is like in its thought processes; the best answer I can give you is my mind is like a complicated maze. It is true that I do forget things like information, instructions, what people have said, clothes that were worn, what I did that day, etc. It's mostly my short term memory that slips, but there are many times when I suddenly remember something...pictures, a song, a certain phrase that I hear, something on TV; things like that can all be triggers for my brain to suddenly remember an event or other things that jog my memory. Experts say that people with Asperger's have incredibly high I.Q.'s which I was tested and that is the case. (Actually, Christen and Sarah have been tested with high I.Q.'s as well.) I'm not big on bragging about how smart I am because I didn't do that well in high school and I barely finished my under-grad. I did do very well in my Master's work.
I realize many of you can move pretty freely with your memories, thoughts and patterns. I sadly am all over the place, random is the best word I can think of. If you want to know were awkward moments come up, it's when I'm overhearing a discussion and one person might state a phrase that I might have heard in a movie so I blurted it out in the middle of the discussion when it had nothing to do with the topic. I remember trying to 'fit in' with using my knowledge on things that the group might be discussing, but just my mere present was bad enough, regardless the interesting information I might have had provided. Strangely, it does even have to be the correct words, if the beat or rhyme is exact; I'll still blurt it out in the correct form. For example, if someone said "Goin' floatin' in the boat." my brain might pick up the beat and spit out "Orange mocha Frappuccino." (That's from Zoolander the movie.) I understand that seems a little twisted, but that's just a small sample of how I tick.
When I was young, I really enjoyed mazes. I remember my mom buying several maze books because I couldn't get enough. I'm not sure if it's the idea of reorienting things or just puzzles solving, but navigating my way through a series of twist, turns and traps I find fascinating. I enjoy taking puzzles that are messed up and put them back into an asymmetrical position. The irony is what I'd like to do on the outside is almost impossible to do inside my own head! Whenever I'm trying to write a story, I produce lots of images in my head like a movie picture, but I have to then sort it all out on paper because I can't do it in my head. I can almost see the whole story, but it's all displaced. I always have to be careful not to go off the deep end because I can get too technical if I'm not careful. I would basically end up boring the reader.
Of course, I have no idea how each of your own individual minds work, I know from what people tell me about their thought processes. I just thought I'd take a moment and reveal how my brain works for me. Sadly, there are times when I need to say something important to someone and my head tries exhaustingly for the correct word or phrase to use, but many times in the end I just stand there and say nothing. I think that's what can hurt the worse with Asperger's.
Song on Inspiration [Check it out on iTunes or Android!]:
Song: "Madness in Me"
Artist: Skillet
Album: Rise
If you haven't check out Skillet's new album, it would really be worth your time! Here's the song and lyrics for the Madness in Me song.
Here's something for you the think about!