I'm not sure if this is harder for me or my wife. I have learned that some secrets are best kept to one's self because the revelations of the information may actually do more damage than healing. I felt secrets have been saviors and dangers. Having Asperger's, this has to be one of the hardest things to judge because I'm not sure when it's right to hold on to a secret and when to tell. I've always been one to be honest, but holding on to information isn't tough, it's just hard to tell when the time is right to say anything. One of my worst problems has been that I will remember the information I have to keep secret, but then along the way...I forget! The memory problem can create havoc in my head because even though the information might be important, it can still get lost in all the other stuff in my head.
There are times when I'll have a secret, but the seriousness of it to me might not be that important, until I mention it later. I have a hard time judging just how important secret information can be. (Good thing I don't work for the government!) I wish I could just have a chart or something, but I'm stuck with what I've got...or not.
In a weird way, I almost see keeping secrets as lying. I realize that sounds rather stupid, but if people start asking me things about the secret, all I can do is simply lie to them because I can't divulge the information. To me, lying is a hard thing to do. I will many times do what a lot of people like to do is cover a lie with another lie. Now a guy with Asperger's that can be a very difficult feat to accomplish since that would require me to remember what my first lie was in turn what the second one was and so on. I see lying as something that the Lord does not like because Jesus always told the truth because He didn't fear anything. I'm not as good as Him. One thing I can say about secrets is for me, I can hold an advantage in a situation if a conflict happens to rear its ugly head. And actually, this is happening to me that this moment. I've spoken in past blogs about principals and their misunderstanding of my Asperger's and so it's going to happen again. It's been a long time, but this is just what I have to deal with day in and day out. Honestly I can make me very angry, especially when I've even disclosed the information, but it is what it is. I guess I don't like saying a lot because I would like to have people treat me normally and not a freak. Having secret can be impossible...just ask a superhero!!!
Song of Inspiration [Check it out on iTunes or Android!]:
Song: "Secrets and Regrets"
Artist: Pillar
Album: Confessions
Here's a live performance of the song from Pillar! Check it out!
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