Piece #59 - Indecisive

I have to admit that I've been rather indecisive lately. I'm trying to remember a time in the past when I was so unaware in my life! I think the bad part is that by a certain point you should have reached were you wanted to be. Sadly that is not my case, because I always thought I'd be writing comic books, manga, novel or short stories. So far the only things I've "published" have been these blogs about my life with Asperger's. I don't know if it's the age or autism, but I'm at a point right now where I have no idea what to do. Honestly, I never thought at this point I'd still be teaching...in high school no less! Maybe college, but not in the public school system I can tell you that for sure.

Don't get me wrong, I still love to write, but I feel like I've lost a little of my passion. I guess when you fight for so many years on stories and working with artists then the company either doesn't like your stuff or they go belly up it really broke me down. Being indecisive can be dangerous because when you don't do anything, the only thing that gets done is TIME going by. That is the thing that gets wasted of all...time; with having Asperger's time is one thing I tend to keep an eye on, but it still slides past me faster than I think. I really want to continue writing my stories, but I haven't found that 'magic' spark I use to have. I really believe I can get it back, but until then I'll keep writing these blogs and my personal journals I guess.

Probably one of the most difficult indecisive moments I've had has to be college...I mean as a student this time. I already have my Master’s degree, but I originally went back again for another degree and this one would deal with History. The plan was it would start out as a Masters in History and then move right into the Doctoral program for History, but I've hit a bump in the road. I really want to finish this out, I'm actually rather close to being done, right now I have too many distractions and lack of motivation that have gotten in the way. I have to admit it’s been a really struggle. I still had hoped for a PhD.

Some would think that through all of this, I'm just having a 'mid-life crisis'; but I think this goes further than that. I believe in the 'crisis' a person evaluates they're life and feels like they've missed something so they go and try to live a completely different life; even at the risk of cheating on their spouse. As you've read so far, that isn't my issue. I'm just having hard time making a sound decision on anything! I don't feel like I need to live a different life, I just need to decide on how to live the one I have now. All I can say is that I hope I can get over this funk soon. Having this Asperger's, it's really bugging me. I use to have a clear focus and direction and right now that seems to have gotten away from me. Like always, I need to lean on my family and my Lord because I know they have my best interest at heart.

Song of Inspiration [Check it out on iTunes or Android!]:

Song: "Only Human"

Artist: 12 Stones

Album: Beneath The Scars

Here's the lyric video for the selected song. This is a great example of all of our short falls and indecisiveness.

I think this just about says it all...

Piece #28 - Puzzles

I realize autism is symbolized by a puzzles piece and I've noticed that some people have taken some offense to that, but this doesn't deal directly with that topic. This is a straight observation on puzzles and how they affect me and the twins. With the new age of electronic devices, it has changed to way we do pretty much everything! In this case I want to focus on puzzles because there are lots of computer game companies that are betting on us to buy their own special puzzle game, whether it is on the iPad, iTouch or smart phone. I will say that I do own an iTouch and yes, I do love it! Unfortunately, I can get sucked into several good puzzle games. So far the top ones I love to play are Chuzzle, Bejeweled, Tiki Totems and of course...Angry Birds. To be honest, I also will go 'old school' and play Solitaire, Mahjong, Sudoku and even Tetris because they still have a place in my heart. Sometimes the simpler games I would rather play because they are quick and easier ...

Piece #35 - Christmas!

I intentionally waited until December to write this particular blog. Unlike many stores who seem to think that Christmas starts in August , I actually was patience enough to write this within the month. Of course, if you ask the question 'What is your most favorite time of the year?’ some will say summer, but many would say Christmas . I wanted to write this early because Christmas is one of those holidays that are a full season, not just one day. I think this is the one time when I enjoy the days leading up to Christmas more than the actual day itself. It's amazing how things change so quickly, from the decorations, lights, trees and all the other Christmas displays that spring up faster that lightning! There is no other holiday that has this effect on our society as much as this one. With my Asperger’s, Christmas can be a little difficult because the traditions that I did as a child are not the same as an adult. Worse than that, my tradition is constantly changin...

Piece #12 - "Temper, Temper."

Anger is a learned behavior. When we come into this world, we comprehend how to react to things by watching others. One of my many...many weaknesses has always been my anger. As you can tell I enjoy writing and whenever I've written in my characters for a story, at least one would have an anger issue. The story I'm currently writing now called Horizon, the main character Miko has problems with her rage. It's something she'll have to deal with throughout the entire story. I guess in many ways it's a reflection on how I've had to handle it. Early in our marriage, I had warned my wife that I would need her help in making sure I wouldn’t let the anger get ahold of me, for the main reason...the kids. I love my girls way too much for them to pick up the same bad habit. Yes, I obviously understand that we all get angry from time to time. ( Even Jesus got angry when merchants were selling their items in the temple .) I'm talking about an extreme anger when in many ...

Pressing Puzzles

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