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Piece #59 - Indecisive

I have to admit that I've been rather indecisive lately. I'm trying to remember a time in the past when I was so unaware in my life! I think the bad part is that by a certain point you should have reached were you wanted to be. Sadly that is not my case, because I always thought I'd be writing comic books, manga, novel or short stories. So far the only things I've "published" have been these blogs about my life with Asperger's. I don't know if it's the age or autism, but I'm at a point right now where I have no idea what to do. Honestly, I never thought at this point I'd still be high school no less! Maybe college, but not in the public school system I can tell you that for sure.

Don't get me wrong, I still love to write, but I feel like I've lost a little of my passion. I guess when you fight for so many years on stories and working with artists then the company either doesn't like your stuff or they go belly up it really broke me down. Being indecisive can be dangerous because when you don't do anything, the only thing that gets done is TIME going by. That is the thing that gets wasted of all...time; with having Asperger's time is one thing I tend to keep an eye on, but it still slides past me faster than I think. I really want to continue writing my stories, but I haven't found that 'magic' spark I use to have. I really believe I can get it back, but until then I'll keep writing these blogs and my personal journals I guess.

Probably one of the most difficult indecisive moments I've had has to be college...I mean as a student this time. I already have my Master’s degree, but I originally went back again for another degree and this one would deal with History. The plan was it would start out as a Masters in History and then move right into the Doctoral program for History, but I've hit a bump in the road. I really want to finish this out, I'm actually rather close to being done, right now I have too many distractions and lack of motivation that have gotten in the way. I have to admit it’s been a really struggle. I still had hoped for a PhD.

Some would think that through all of this, I'm just having a 'mid-life crisis'; but I think this goes further than that. I believe in the 'crisis' a person evaluates they're life and feels like they've missed something so they go and try to live a completely different life; even at the risk of cheating on their spouse. As you've read so far, that isn't my issue. I'm just having hard time making a sound decision on anything! I don't feel like I need to live a different life, I just need to decide on how to live the one I have now. All I can say is that I hope I can get over this funk soon. Having this Asperger's, it's really bugging me. I use to have a clear focus and direction and right now that seems to have gotten away from me. Like always, I need to lean on my family and my Lord because I know they have my best interest at heart.

Song of Inspiration [Check it out on iTunes or Android!]:

Song: "Only Human"

Artist: 12 Stones

Album: Beneath The Scars

Here's the lyric video for the selected song. This is a great example of all of our short falls and indecisiveness.

I think this just about says it all...

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