Piece #64 - Conviction

One thing I've openly observed about human nature is the struggle of opening up of issues or beliefs that lie within us. Conviction is a tough thing to get out of people and worse, to take a stand on. I've always seen conviction as a two way street. Either we are felt guilty about not doing something we should have, or others should have been there for us; whether or not the people felt convicted or not we may never know, but to us we always assume that they’re in 'the wrong'. Having Asperger's, there have been countless times when I should have felt convicted because I didn't do something when I should have...the trouble is I may never have been aware of the error I made. I've discussed this on many occasions in dealing with memory, but adding that sense of conviction into my conscientiousness is not always going to be there. I know I've offended people in the past due to my lack of conviction, but when I'm unaware of their feelings; it means nothing to me.

I really wish I had the insight to be able to not only be aware of the things I've said, but also to think carefully before I say them. Many times it's just bad judgment and, in some cases, the lack of conviction always seems to do me in. It is kind of ironic that I received a notice for jury duty and boy, talk about conviction! Because of my Asperger's, I wasn't selected for duty. Speaking of jury, feeling Guilty is not really the same thing as conviction. Being guilty is knowing that you've done something wrong, whereas conviction can be a precursor to something you might do or knowing you've done something wrong, but no real damage is done.

If you have a personal relationship with Jesus and the Holy Spirit lives within you then conviction is something we all know all too well because the internal battle can be very painful. Of course I'm not necessarily talking about a physical pain, but indirectly it can have an effect on our body. Conviction can run really deep in people who have the Spirit of God within them. Granted, there are people who don't have this, but the conscious feeling can still be there. I guess for me if I didn't have the Holy Spirit, then I may never have been aware of my errors. I do take a medication that is supposed to help me be more aware of the things around me and that had added to my feeling of conviction, but I would like to think it goes deeper than that. The Holy Spirit is a very powerful being.

If you are autistic and this is a problem you can identify with, then I can really understand. Even for my daughters, their awareness of the things around them is getting better, but I still see how they miss certain moments. I wish I could say becoming more aware just comes with experience, but I'm not completely sure that's true. Though I am in my 40's, I still have the same issues I had when I was the girl's age. I think I've gotten better, but I think this is a case of being able to see from others before I can see it inside myself. Conviction is a real difficult pill to swallow, especially having Asperger’s, but it's an issue we'll have to deal with for the rest of our lives.

Song of Inspiration [Check it out on iTunes or Android!]:

Song: "Human"

Artist: Manafest

Album: Fighter

"Cause I where my heart on my sleeve. If you cut I'll bleed. I know I cannot erase every mistake that I made..."

Here's the video to this convicting song:

Piece #75 - My Directing Method

Being a director like I have for several years, there are things that I've had to deal with in this business. This isn't the professional method of directing, but this is my perspective on how to be a director in any medium. I will probably address the proper method of how to treat actors, but that is not the sole focus on what I'm going to share. As a director you will have to deal with people who think they know it all and you can't say anything that will benefit me. The problem that most amateur actors forget is that acting is an art form, but it's also an occupation. I think people tend to forget that acting is work...hard work. One of the things that I try to let the kids know is that it's a very difficult business to get into. I feel like they need to hear the truth about the world of entertainment. I tell them that they have to 'want' it very badly and do almost anything to get in. An internship is a great way to get your foot in the door, bu

Piece #103 - I.Q.

I have, in some form or fashion, addressed this topic on intelligence, but I thought I'd hit this head on. One of the big things that people with Asperger's gets tied with is having a high intelligence. I have to admit that I've had a hard time finding solid evidence on all people with Asperger's having a high intelligence. I guess this a bit of a piggy back to my earlier posting #78 No Talent Required. The difference between these two is I'm going to address the intelligence in general versus the talents from Asperger's (or Savants). When it comes to the topic of intelligence, I get a similar feeling like in high school when the class decides on 'the most successful' label. I say this because I've always questioned what is successful? In turn I would also ask in the same breath what is intelligent? Testing the intelligence of someone used to seem like either a brainiac, just an average person or an idiot...depending on the score which is reall

Piece #72 - Brant Hansen, the radio voice for Asperger's

This might seem a little unusual for my blog to be talking about a certain person, especially one that I've never met in person, but he still has a special place for me because of how much we have in common...mostly because we both have Asperger's. Brant Hansen is or as of Monday July 7 th , 2014 was a DJ for a national syndicated Christian radio station called Air 1. He and I have exchanged messages through Facebook from time to time in pleasant conversations, but we have come to a point that is a little more serious. Brant has never shied away from his disability and if anything he has been a positive voice to anyone who would listen about his Asperger's. As I mentioned though, Air 1 is ready to shut him down. Here is what Brant had to say about his departure from the radio station: "If you've been a listener to our radio show, please know this: I’m heartbroken over the end of the show. I've counted every day as an honor to be able to have a platfo

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