Piece #44 - Ode to a Baby Bunny

I'm sure the first thought after reading the title is "this isn't one of those weird poem things you'd hear at a coffee place is it?"; I can safely say no to that answer, but there is a deep meaning behind this. On Monday April 15, 2013 I was walking to my car to go home for the day after teaching. I was really tired and as I walked, I wasn't really paying any attention on where I was trending. I was crossing a small grassy area when suddenly I felt an odd thing as I stepped down on my right foot. At once this little baby rabbit screeched out of pain from me stepping on it. It startled me at first, but I kept going and the baby was crying like an irritating car alarm. I turned back to take a quick look, but I did nothing else to help it. I continued to head back to my car and I could still hear the wailing of the rabbit in the distance. I knew that the rabbit was only being instinctive and staying still so predators wouldn't find him was correct, but that backfired in this case. Normally, I wouldn't think much about what happened, however that really wasn't so. The next day I passed by again and sure enough I found the rabbit...dead. My first thought was 'where was the mother?’ then I was surprised that no animal came along to eat it. I mean, I killed lots of animals in my life time, whether it was with my car or maybe fishing. But, again, I really think there is something deeper here.

The first question I asked myself was why would God have me step on the baby rabbit? I mean, I found it odd that I've never seen any rabbits in the area except for the occasional squirrel. Have I lost my heart for others? Did I let my compassion slide? I haven't had an inferiority complex, viewing myself any better than anyone else. I think it was a critical reminder that if you're not careful, the people who you think you're helping, instead you might be hurting. True, I really wasn't watching where I was going, but I didn't expect to find a baby rabbit tucked in the grass. I guess deep down I wish that the rabbit would have simply ran off as I approached it, instead of stepping on it. Sadly, baby rabbits are instinctively trained to freeze and not move if a predator is around. I could make all kinds of excuses, but it really was all my fault.

As for the Asperger's angle, sometimes the right emotions are hard to come by and in this instance, the emotions were misplaced. Visions of my past came back in a flash when I was much younger and I had to take care of my neighbor's cats. I accidentally stepped on one of the kittens and scared me so much that I cried all the way home. I think I was in middle school at the time. When it came to the present, my feelings were a little different as I had already made it to the car. I honestly don't know if I handled the situation correctly or if I should have done something different. So therein lays the issue, did I do the right thing? I know this sounds so trivial, but it's interesting to note my difference in attitude from childhood to now. I can still hear the voice of the rabbit in my head, but I know there's not a single thing I can do about it.

Of course I have to look at this with the idea of 'what lesson did I learn?' so I'm not sure what the answer is. Be careful where I walk? Have a more caring heart? I just know it really bothered me. I think I got the message from the Lord, but I believe there will be more time needed for me to complete the process of understanding it.

Song of Inspiration [Check it out on iTunes or Android!]:

Song: "Innocent"

Artist: Anberlin

Album: Vital

Here's the video for the selected song:

The area just past the cross street is where the unfortunate event happened. I wanted you to see how weird it was considering how small the area is. The school is off to the right and a walking trail on the left. Further to the left, out of camera shot, are several houses.

Piece #111 - First Impressions

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I guess like embarking on any puzzle, it must always starts with the first piece. So to begin, I have Asperger's Syndrome, in other words I'm Autistic, and so this literature will be about my struggles with this disorder as an adult. I was first diagnosed back in the summer of 2004. If it wasn't for my twin daughters, I might not have ever known all the questions I have ever had in life; to them, I will always be in their debt. Growing up, you are never really aware of any differences until the judgment years...6th thru 12th grade of school. A time when one always tests their own humanity against others; meaning, how will I measure up against other students. In my eyes I seemed to be just like them; two arms and legs, ten fingers and toes, head and body...nothing unusual. Yet, for some reason, I was treated a little different than everyone else. That's one of those things that you can't quite put your finger on, but I observed on many occasions how kids would talk...

CraigApril 29, 2013 at 12:33 PM
"The school is off to the right and a walking trail on the left."

Maybe He is telling you to "Stay on the trail" and quit taking shortcuts. That one was too obvious given the picture. :)

In reality, my belief is that life is full of unintended consequences and "intent" is the key element here. You had no intent to hurt the bunny. You feel bad for what happened and wished you could change it. You're haunted by the sound because you are a caring and compassionate person and wished that hadn't happened. As a rational and pragmatic person, you also knew there was nothing you could do about it once it was done. Remember when cars took out "Oh No" and one of Mrs. kittens? Same deal. Sucks and nobody wanted it to happen, but animals have to take responsibility for their own survival in this world, just like we do. If they fail, there are real consequences. You took responsibility for this, but you really didn't have to. You had no intent and no reason to be at a heightened level of care while walking there. Basically... it's not your fault. It still sucks, but you need to let go of any guilt.

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