Anger is a learned behavior. When we come into this world, we comprehend how to react to things by watching others. One of my many...many weaknesses has always been my anger. As you can tell I enjoy writing and whenever I've written in my characters for a story, at least one would have an anger issue. The story I'm currently writing now called Horizon, the main character Miko has problems with her rage. It's something she'll have to deal with throughout the entire story. I guess in many ways it's a reflection on how I've had to handle it. Early in our marriage, I had warned my wife that I would need her help in making sure I wouldn’t let the anger get ahold of me, for the main reason...the kids. I love my girls way too much for them to pick up the same bad habit. Yes, I obviously understand that we all get angry from time to time. (Even Jesus got angry when merchants were selling their items in the temple.) I'm talking about an extreme anger when in many cases, it wasn't called for. The problem is this is an emotion that comes on very quickly for me and in an instant, I make a judgment about something, or someone and in turn; I hurt them. Since I have Asperger's, once I make the fatal mistake, I beat myself up about the inappropriate action I had taken.
The best example I can give was when I was still in college (undergrad), of course I don't remember why I was angry at my oldest daughter Megan, but we were leaving to go somewhere and I was so upset that I spanked her outside as we were heading to the car. All I remember was in that instances, I made a serious error. I knew that the punishment did not fit the crime. And when Megan turned around with her beautiful brown eyes full of tears; I realized right then and there...I had to change. Some autistic people would agree that our short term memory sucks, but the long term holds true and the image of my baby girl with that face bores into my head like a drill, as a permanent reminder of how I needed to check myself and my temper.
To be honest, I've had better luck at dealing with my anger since I knew I had Asperger's. Is it completely cured? No, it never will be. I can only hope I'm a little quicker to dissolve the anger before it gets going. (Geez! This almost sounds like the Hulk. I used to love the TV show...Yes, there was a TV show before the movies.) Getting older actually helps as well. I know that sounds odd considering most people think the older, the grouchier! I believe I’ve gained wisdom from my experiences and so I'm able the handle the rage a little better.
“My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for man’s anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires.” James 1:19-20
Song of Inspiration [Check it out on iTunes!]:
Song: “Dear X, You Don’t Own Me”
Album: Horseshoes & Hand Grenades
Here's a music video of this song...with lyrics.
This is Megan and Alicia playing in the sandbox. Megan is the one offering me a shove. Now who could get angry with a face like that! I love you, Bacon!