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Piece #82 - A deep Depression

I realize Christmas is coming and coming soon. I've always heard that Christmas time is one the most depressing times in the whole year! I have no numbers or articles to back this statement, but I think we can agree that depression can run really high during this time of the year. As everyone else, I've always heard about it and I thought I understood it, but I think in some way I really didn't. I could recall on several occasions as a teacher when I felt 'down' and disheartened, but I wouldn't call being it being depressed. Before I even knew that I had Asperger's, I probably assumed I was in a chronic state of being depressed, but I can honestly say that was never the case. There were many times when I was highly stressed, but not depressed. At this point it would be a good idea to see how the Webster Dictionary defines ‘depression’:  a serious medical condition in which a person feels very sad, hopeless, and unimportant and often is unable to live in a normal way.  I really believe the key words in the definition are "live in a normal way". In my small thinking with a person with Asperger's, I really didn't understand what a normal way was.

Since I have been diagnosed and have a much more self-awareness of everything around me, which established normal way has been much more defined for me personally. One of the newest phases that I have been doing through lately is depression. For a while, I wasn't willing to admit it and I know that my wife has been fighting it for quite a while because hers is a very severe case right now, but I know she'll get through it. The only reason why I came to the same conclusion about myself is because things that I had no problem doing before, I can't seem to do them now. 

I realize not doing work sounds like a pitiful excuse for just not doing it, but it goes much further than that. The best as way I can describe it was when Douglas MacArthur had addressed Congress about the Korean War and basically going over President Truman's head; he said in his speech "that old soldiers never die, they just fade away". The idea being that whatever we are talented in life, like for me writing, depression is like we want to do what we love, but undertaking it becomes a struggle. Right now, I'm having a hard time really writing anything. It's been a tussle just to write this blog. This lack of motivation really befuddles me because I generally love to write, yet I can't. 

I really think I'm going to be the fight of my life. I've always had to deal with difficulties of all kinds but, I never would have thought I would have to face off against mediocrity.  As a Christian, it's one of the devil's favorite things because if I don't make an effort to go out and spread the good news then I've lost that moment Satan has won another day. Satan never wants anyone to know the truth and especially during the Christmas year. I know I can get past this, but I really believe I'll need the Lord's help. If you are in the same boat as I am, please just remember that it's not the end of the world and you can get better, but it has to start with the first step...changing your outlook. I realize that is an easier said than done, but the depressive outlook had to start somewhere, now we just need to readjust that perspective to one of promise and a better way of life. I've said this lots of times but, you still only have one life and that's it. Would you like to think that you can make the most of it? You're just going to have to do the hardest thing of all...try.

Song of Inspiration [Check it out on iTunes or Android!]:

Song: "Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas"

Artist: Jaci Velasquez

Album: {Christ}mas

Here's the music to the selected song...sorry, there wasn't a true video.

Don't let depression kill your Christmas.


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