Piece #30 - "Failure is not an option."

I will say in some cases I do have a fear of failure. It's not constantly on my mind, but it does play a role in my thought processes. When I was growing up, I would always try my best at many different things, but in the end I would fail more times than I succeed. It didn't matter if it was sports, video games, tests in school, and of course...girls; I was a failure. As I've stated in previous blog pieces, every time I failed, I would always wonder what was wrong with me. Granted, my having Asperger's had little to do with certain events or competition because that was strictly physical, rather than social settings or mental tests.

Thinking I fail all the time is a little silly because I didn't fail all the time. If I failed, I wouldn't have a college degree, a wife and a family so in many ways I did succeed. I guess we all have a tendency to look at only what we didn't do versus what we were able to accomplish. In sports, most of my teams either won or we would come in second; and that goes for playing or coaching. In some cases, I believe there are varying degrees of what we see as failure. To my daughters, any grade other than an "A" is seen as a failure. There's nothing wrong with a "B" or "C", but to them it's not acceptable.

Honestly, it doesn't affect me as much now as it did when I was younger. I guess because I tried so hard to have friends and I was willing to do anything to gain their approval. I remember cheating on my spelling tests in 5th grade because I was tired of failing the tests all the time...I did get caught...it wasn't pretty. I felt like I had to cut corners just to get ahead so I would lower my failure rate. I think many times it was becoming too much of a burden to bear; so much that I would quit doing some things just because I was tired of failing or the potential to fail.

I guess today, I yearn for the chance to really make it big due to my successes, among the failures. If you really think about it, millions of people throughout history failed on several occasions before they finally hit the big one. (Keep in mind only one person in our history was perfect!) I still keep hoping for that chance...that opportunity to finally rise up and be seen as one who successes and doesn't...fail.

Song of Inspiration [Check it out on iTunes!]:

Song: "Impossible"

Artist: Anberlin

Album: Dark Is The Way, Light Is A Place

Here's the music video to the selected song...

This was me at Silver Dollar City (Branson, MO) riding on the Powder keg. You'll notice that I've whited out a person next to me; that would be my sister-in-law, Jen. I'm sure my brother and my wife will be disappointed that did this, but I have to remember that we see each other every summer, so I'm savin' my own skin! I'm sure the next question is 'What does this have to do with failure?' The best answer I can give is...not much. I think sometimes we'll look at people who make these faces on an intense ride like this and make fun of them. In some ways, if you’re made fun of, then you probably failed or screwed something up. That's actually far from the truth. If we can't laugh at ourselves, knowing that NOBODY IS PERFECT, then why are we here?

Piece #111 - First Impressions

"You already know that making a good first impression can go a long way. But forget all the advice you've received about dressing to impress or putting on a cheesy smile. Turns out, the true secret to building a lasting connection reaches much deeper than what you wear." "According to Amy Cuddy, a Harvard Business School professor who has researched first impressions for more than 15 years, everyone (consciously or subconsciously) asks two questions when they meeting someone new: Can I trust this person? And can I respect this person?" This quote comes from Reader's Digest and I actually found this rather compelling because I never really heard of this before. I've addressed this topic of first impressions in the past but, I have to admit that this idea is interesting. I guess since you hear a lot of things from a smile, the outfit or what you say make the difference; however these two questions have me a little perplexed. I think it depends on the ...

Piece #1 - The Beginning

I guess like embarking on any puzzle, it must always starts with the first piece. So to begin, I have Asperger's Syndrome, in other words I'm Autistic, and so this literature will be about my struggles with this disorder as an adult. I was first diagnosed back in the summer of 2004. If it wasn't for my twin daughters, I might not have ever known all the questions I have ever had in life; to them, I will always be in their debt. Growing up, you are never really aware of any differences until the judgment years...6th thru 12th grade of school. A time when one always tests their own humanity against others; meaning, how will I measure up against other students. In my eyes I seemed to be just like them; two arms and legs, ten fingers and toes, head and body...nothing unusual. Yet, for some reason, I was treated a little different than everyone else. That's one of those things that you can't quite put your finger on, but I observed on many occasions how kids would talk...

Broken Piece #2 - Susan Boyle

For those of you who are not sure who is Susan Boyle, she was the second place winner to the show "Britain's Got Talent" in 2009. She sang the famous song from Les Misérables "I Dreamed the Dream". Since the show, Susan had been making guest appearances on a variety of shows and recorded several albums. Susan's first album alone broke several chart-records and was very well received around the world. I believe why she had such incredible appeal was because she was a perfect representative of all the 'regular people' in the world. She didn't come in flashy or striking but, modest and humble. When a person like Susan is thrown into the whirlwind of concerts, parties, media, and money, it's very difficult to stay grounded and not having your own personal world torn apart. Sadly for Susan Boyle, her tiny universe is crumbling. First, she did have a health scare when she was diagnosed with type 2 diabetes that prompted her to lose weight. Se...

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