Pressing Puzzles

One thing I've openly observed about human nature is the struggle of opening up of issues or beliefs that lie within us. Conviction is a tough thing to get out of people and worse, to take a stand on. I've always seen conviction as a two way street. Either we are felt guilty about not doing something we should have, or others should have been there for us; whether or not the people felt convicted or not we may never know, but to us we always assume that they’re in 'the wrong'. Having Asperger's, there have been countless times when I should have felt convicted because I didn't do something when I should have...the trouble is I may never have been aware of the error I made. I've discussed this on many occasions in dealing with memory, but adding that sense of conviction into my conscientiousness is not always going to be there. I know I've offended people in the past due to my lack of conviction, but when I'm unaware of their feelings; it means nothi...

This by far will be the most difficult entry that I have ever had to ever write. It deals with the one thing that almost every person with Asperger's has to deal with...suicide. {I make this disclaimer: suicide is NEVER the answer to any of your problems!!!} Making that claim and following through are very difficult to manage. I never even like to talk about it because it makes me feel uncomfortable. I've noticed that those kind of thoughts seem to rear their ugly heads when I get under serious distress or panicky. In my mind, it always seems easier to take my life rather than facing the issues that are troubling me. I feel like it's a curse, but I'm never going to let it win and I need to share my thoughts with you about the difficult subject. I see the whole suicide thing like the Hulk or a Mr. Hyde, that persona that wants to come out and do whatever destructive things that I'm not willing to achieve. I believe every person with this problem envisions how th...

If you’re thinking of the organization then you are correct! I have to admit that I have found this organization rather fascinating. This is a statement that comes from their website: "I am Second is a movement meant to inspire people of all kinds to live for God and for others. Actors. Athletes. Musicians. Business leaders. Drug addicts. Your next-door neighbor. People like you. The authentic stories on   iamsecond.com   provide insight into dealing with typical struggles of everyday living. These are stories that give hope to the lonely and the hurting, help from destructive lifestyles, and inspiration to the unfulfilled. You’ll discover people who've tried to go it alone and have failed. Find the hope, peace, and fulfillment they found. Be Second." I'm not a member of this organization, but when they first started having celebrities like football quarterback Kurt Warner and others on huge billboards so I was rather curious about who they were. I know that ...

I like to think that luck is a figment of my imagination, that luck is just a false hope that if we do a certain thing or act a particular way that our effort would be rewarded, but with my Asperger's, that idea can fly a lot of different ways!  I'm sure this thought is for a lot of people, but I first heard this from my oldest daughter; she told me it was always good luck if you make a wish when the time hits 11:11. I have to admit that I've tried it a few times, but I've never seen any real results from my wish...let alone my own birthday wish!  I remember when I was younger that I actually had a green rabbit's foot. (It never worked.)  I do have to admit that I have an OCD moment in time that I will stop whatever I'm doing to make sure I SEE this particular time: 12:34. You can probably already guess to why I make a serious effort because this is an orderly, sequential time. Since I like proper organization, it makes sense that 12:34 would be a time I really...

This posting is kind of a sequel to the last posting dealing with Self-Image #47. I mentioned in that post that instead worrying about your appearance, maybe you're better off trying to show others what you can do rather than concerning yourself with appearances. Being able to go out and help others is called the mission field...or basically glorifying God. If you simply do something helpful to someone else and not boasting about it then you're giving God the glory. It doesn't mean you have to go to some foreign country and hand out bibles to be on a mission. In many ways, my classroom is my mission field. I see hundreds of students every day and there are a few times when religion is brought up by the students and I'm able to talk with them about it. I will be honest and tell you that there are times when I wish I could do more than just be in the classroom, but I realize this is where the Lord wants me to be and I'll just have to deal with it. So...You never know...

Here's a real tough issue that I've semi addressed in a blog or two. Before I was taking medication for my mood stabilizer, I rarely had given self-image a lot of thought. As I've mention before, I was teased a lot when I was younger and they tried to demoralize the way I looked, dressed or spoke; but I didn't give it much creed. I believe a little push with self-image can be beneficial if it improves your life. The Lord does say that our body's are a temple and we to take care of it, but we can't obsesses over our imagine. It wasn't until I was a little older that I tried a little harder to make myself look better for the girls.  I guess if I allowed the tease to really affect me then I might have been typing this blog as we speak. Society seems to believe that most females have the hardest time with self-image. To be honest, this is a concept that I'm still gaining a real understanding for how girls get their image. Is it the words I say? Is it my ...

I never thought of myself as a good test taker. I mean, tests like the ACT and SAT test are only good for finding out how well you can take a test. I remember having to take all kinds of tests. MMAT, ACT, C-BASE, Finals for college classes, and of course those wonderful teaching tests. As a teacher, I had to give the MAP and EOC tests. I realize the value of a test, but I think it doesn't always show a true comprehension of the material. With my Asperger's, it's difficult for me to remember anything...especially stuff for a test! Not all tests are just ones for a school, college or professional life. There are many times when a test can become personal. One real open observation I've noticed is that women, like my wife, will throw out a comment, question or scenario and see what the man's response would be. They're testing us to see where we stand or how we react to the set-up. I'm saying this is a little unfair to the man, but there are times when gettin...

I'm sure the first thought after reading the title is "this isn't one of those weird poem things you'd hear at a coffee place is it?"; I can safely say no to that answer, but there is a deep meaning behind this. On Monday April 15, 2013 I was walking to my car to go home for the day after teaching. I was really tired and as I walked, I wasn't really paying any attention on where I was trending. I was crossing a small grassy area when suddenly I felt an odd thing as I stepped down on my right foot. At once this little baby rabbit screeched out of pain from me stepping on it. It startled me at first, but I kept going and the baby was crying like an irritating car alarm. I turned back to take a quick look, but I did nothing else to help it. I continued to head back to my car and I could still hear the wailing of the rabbit in the distance. I knew that the rabbit was only being instinctive and staying still so predators wouldn't find him was correct, but that...

I was going to add this to a previous post about identity, but I felt it needed to be addressed all on its own. I realize having an identity crisis and living a life can run parallel, but I want to look at just existing. The first thing that made me think of this was when I had released our pet turtle. I'm not sure what bugs me more, letting her go or knowing that part of my routine has changed for good. I say that because when I would put the dogs to bed, I would then feed the turtle. It made me think about emotional attachments to animals and people. I find it hard to have any emotional attachments to people and animals, but it almost goes without saying the difficulty of living my life without some kind of attachment to the ones I love can make me feel very lonely. In a way it’s like a double edged sword when it comes to the ones you care about. I chose to be married to my wife and have children. Not everyone makes the same decision and that's perfectly fine, I mean...

"You are what you eat." Does this statement define who you are? A few might say so, but I think it goes a lot deeper than that. I've been writing these blogs for a while now and I would assume one would label me as having Autism, so I guess you could call me Autistic. However, you also know me as a father, a husband, a son, a brother, an uncle, and not too far off...granddad. So...what am I? A Christian? A teacher? A writer? A heterosexual? A lover? A fighter? It seems like we've gotten into this habit of labeling everything. Even some of these labels have turned into fads. Anyone still remember the 'Hippies'? It's frustrating when society takes a way of life for some people and blows it up into fad. Makes me wonder if they'll try to turn autism into a fad! It's a just cause, I mean, I didn't get this from a vaccination needle or from a mere choice, but I was born with it. Now that I think about it, I guess deep down me having the label of a...

I promise that I will make NO reference to George Michael or Bon Jovi's songs in this piece! This is by far one of the easiest things to tell people, but the hardest to actually follow...having Faith. Two of you can be sitting at a ball game and you're not sure if your team is going to win because right now their losing, but your buddy next hits you in the shoulder and says "Cheer up! Have faith, I'm sure our team will win." We always like to think that is going to be the case, but unfortunately it doesn't always happen. I'm a huge Pittsburgh Penguins fan and I think we'll the Stanley Cup each year, although I know that's not going to be the case. (Go Pens!) "A leap of faith." A catchy phrase and many times I've actually quoted it myself, but for me to take my own advice is tough because I tend to be in the mind set - 'I can do it by myself'. I like to think that is true; however I've been shown (on many occasions) t...

S-T-R-E-S-S, this I believe is something that keeps building and getting worse every single year. In some cases, this is a beneficial thing because I don't think I could've finished any college paper or something for work without it. There are many times when I wished I did things a little sooner than the 'last minute'. My bad habit though seems to get the best of me because without the stress of getting something done on time, it may never happen. I try to put self-imposed deadlines for all my work and there are times when it works, but not all the time. A recent article talked about stress in the work place, it talks about how you look at your own approach to the job and how you should adapt to the changes that take place. The problem with this idea is that change is very difficult for me with my Asperger’s. It goes on to suggest that I "gain control" and "get physical" which all sound great, but I'm in a job ( teaching ) were control is a  c...

If I ever get the chance to write my biography, the title would have to be November . I'm intentionally writing this blog during the actual month. If you've had the chance to read the last 18 entries, you'll already understand why my biography would be thusly titled. One thing I didn't realize about the month was that November is Pancreatic Cancer Awareness month. ( There's a lot of irony in that! ) If you look, you'd be amazed at how many famous people have died from the disease. Of course, many of you all know that my birthday is in this month ( 6 th , Yes I’m a Scorpio ), but many of my family members are/were in November as well. I've also mentioned that my wedding anniversary is on the 25th of the month and if my daughter Megan and her husband had some patience, they were aiming for November 11, 2011. (11-11-11) My daughter thought it was good luck if you caught the time at 11:11, then you could make a wish. I can understand why they didn't wait t...

When it comes to setting my priorities, you would think this would be a "No Brainer", but with my Asperger's ( and my wif e); that's not always the case. My problem is "the situation", not the guy from Jersey Shore, I mean when anything like my job or my family comes into a conflict for me ( hinds the situation ); I actually find it difficult to make to proper decision. Why I say my wife, is because she feels there are many times when I do something for work, where as I should’ve been something else I needed to do for the family – ahead of the job. I think the main problem with priorities is that I tend to be a "do it now" person. Sometimes, it is a good idea to get things done right away, but there are times when I should put certain things off because of some more pressing matter. With my memory issues, I tend to forget a task if I don't address it right away, it rarely gets taken care of. As Shakespeare would say, therein lays the rub, if...