Piece #64 - Conviction

One thing I've openly observed about human nature is the struggle of opening up of issues or beliefs that lie within us. Conviction is a tough thing to get out of people and worse, to take a stand on. I've always seen conviction as a two way street. Either we are felt guilty about not doing something we should have, or others should have been there for us; whether or not the people felt convicted or not we may never know, but to us we always assume that they’re in 'the wrong'. Having Asperger's, there have been countless times when I should have felt convicted because I didn't do something when I should have...the trouble is I may never have been aware of the error I made. I've discussed this on many occasions in dealing with memory, but adding that sense of conviction into my conscientiousness is not always going to be there. I know I've offended people in the past due to my lack of conviction, but when I'm unaware of their feelings; it means nothing to me.

I really wish I had the insight to be able to not only be aware of the things I've said, but also to think carefully before I say them. Many times it's just bad judgment and, in some cases, the lack of conviction always seems to do me in. It is kind of ironic that I received a notice for jury duty and boy, talk about conviction! Because of my Asperger's, I wasn't selected for duty. Speaking of jury, feeling Guilty is not really the same thing as conviction. Being guilty is knowing that you've done something wrong, whereas conviction can be a precursor to something you might do or knowing you've done something wrong, but no real damage is done.

If you have a personal relationship with Jesus and the Holy Spirit lives within you then conviction is something we all know all too well because the internal battle can be very painful. Of course I'm not necessarily talking about a physical pain, but indirectly it can have an effect on our body. Conviction can run really deep in people who have the Spirit of God within them. Granted, there are people who don't have this, but the conscious feeling can still be there. I guess for me if I didn't have the Holy Spirit, then I may never have been aware of my errors. I do take a medication that is supposed to help me be more aware of the things around me and that had added to my feeling of conviction, but I would like to think it goes deeper than that. The Holy Spirit is a very powerful being.

If you are autistic and this is a problem you can identify with, then I can really understand. Even for my daughters, their awareness of the things around them is getting better, but I still see how they miss certain moments. I wish I could say becoming more aware just comes with experience, but I'm not completely sure that's true. Though I am in my 40's, I still have the same issues I had when I was the girl's age. I think I've gotten better, but I think this is a case of being able to see from others before I can see it inside myself. Conviction is a real difficult pill to swallow, especially having Asperger’s, but it's an issue we'll have to deal with for the rest of our lives.

Song of Inspiration [Check it out on iTunes or Android!]:

Song: "Human"

Artist: Manafest

Album: Fighter

"Cause I where my heart on my sleeve. If you cut I'll bleed. I know I cannot erase every mistake that I made..."

Here's the video to this convicting song:

Piece #111 - First Impressions

"You already know that making a good first impression can go a long way. But forget all the advice you've received about dressing to impress or putting on a cheesy smile. Turns out, the true secret to building a lasting connection reaches much deeper than what you wear." "According to Amy Cuddy, a Harvard Business School professor who has researched first impressions for more than 15 years, everyone (consciously or subconsciously) asks two questions when they meeting someone new: Can I trust this person? And can I respect this person?" This quote comes from Reader's Digest and I actually found this rather compelling because I never really heard of this before. I've addressed this topic of first impressions in the past but, I have to admit that this idea is interesting. I guess since you hear a lot of things from a smile, the outfit or what you say make the difference; however these two questions have me a little perplexed. I think it depends on the ...

Piece #1 - The Beginning

I guess like embarking on any puzzle, it must always starts with the first piece. So to begin, I have Asperger's Syndrome, in other words I'm Autistic, and so this literature will be about my struggles with this disorder as an adult. I was first diagnosed back in the summer of 2004. If it wasn't for my twin daughters, I might not have ever known all the questions I have ever had in life; to them, I will always be in their debt. Growing up, you are never really aware of any differences until the judgment years...6th thru 12th grade of school. A time when one always tests their own humanity against others; meaning, how will I measure up against other students. In my eyes I seemed to be just like them; two arms and legs, ten fingers and toes, head and body...nothing unusual. Yet, for some reason, I was treated a little different than everyone else. That's one of those things that you can't quite put your finger on, but I observed on many occasions how kids would talk...

Piece #12 - "Temper, Temper."

Anger is a learned behavior. When we come into this world, we comprehend how to react to things by watching others. One of my many...many weaknesses has always been my anger. As you can tell I enjoy writing and whenever I've written in my characters for a story, at least one would have an anger issue. The story I'm currently writing now called Horizon, the main character Miko has problems with her rage. It's something she'll have to deal with throughout the entire story. I guess in many ways it's a reflection on how I've had to handle it. Early in our marriage, I had warned my wife that I would need her help in making sure I wouldn’t let the anger get ahold of me, for the main reason...the kids. I love my girls way too much for them to pick up the same bad habit. Yes, I obviously understand that we all get angry from time to time. ( Even Jesus got angry when merchants were selling their items in the temple .) I'm talking about an extreme anger when in many ...

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