Piece #59 - Indecisive

I have to admit that I've been rather indecisive lately. I'm trying to remember a time in the past when I was so unaware in my life! I think the bad part is that by a certain point you should have reached were you wanted to be. Sadly that is not my case, because I always thought I'd be writing comic books, manga, novel or short stories. So far the only things I've "published" have been these blogs about my life with Asperger's. I don't know if it's the age or autism, but I'm at a point right now where I have no idea what to do. Honestly, I never thought at this point I'd still be teaching...in high school no less! Maybe college, but not in the public school system I can tell you that for sure.

Don't get me wrong, I still love to write, but I feel like I've lost a little of my passion. I guess when you fight for so many years on stories and working with artists then the company either doesn't like your stuff or they go belly up it really broke me down. Being indecisive can be dangerous because when you don't do anything, the only thing that gets done is TIME going by. That is the thing that gets wasted of all...time; with having Asperger's time is one thing I tend to keep an eye on, but it still slides past me faster than I think. I really want to continue writing my stories, but I haven't found that 'magic' spark I use to have. I really believe I can get it back, but until then I'll keep writing these blogs and my personal journals I guess.

Probably one of the most difficult indecisive moments I've had has to be college...I mean as a student this time. I already have my Master’s degree, but I originally went back again for another degree and this one would deal with History. The plan was it would start out as a Masters in History and then move right into the Doctoral program for History, but I've hit a bump in the road. I really want to finish this out, I'm actually rather close to being done, right now I have too many distractions and lack of motivation that have gotten in the way. I have to admit it’s been a really struggle. I still had hoped for a PhD.

Some would think that through all of this, I'm just having a 'mid-life crisis'; but I think this goes further than that. I believe in the 'crisis' a person evaluates they're life and feels like they've missed something so they go and try to live a completely different life; even at the risk of cheating on their spouse. As you've read so far, that isn't my issue. I'm just having hard time making a sound decision on anything! I don't feel like I need to live a different life, I just need to decide on how to live the one I have now. All I can say is that I hope I can get over this funk soon. Having this Asperger's, it's really bugging me. I use to have a clear focus and direction and right now that seems to have gotten away from me. Like always, I need to lean on my family and my Lord because I know they have my best interest at heart.

Song of Inspiration [Check it out on iTunes or Android!]:

Song: "Only Human"

Artist: 12 Stones

Album: Beneath The Scars

Here's the lyric video for the selected song. This is a great example of all of our short falls and indecisiveness.

I think this just about says it all...

Piece #111 - First Impressions

"You already know that making a good first impression can go a long way. But forget all the advice you've received about dressing to impress or putting on a cheesy smile. Turns out, the true secret to building a lasting connection reaches much deeper than what you wear." "According to Amy Cuddy, a Harvard Business School professor who has researched first impressions for more than 15 years, everyone (consciously or subconsciously) asks two questions when they meeting someone new: Can I trust this person? And can I respect this person?" This quote comes from Reader's Digest and I actually found this rather compelling because I never really heard of this before. I've addressed this topic of first impressions in the past but, I have to admit that this idea is interesting. I guess since you hear a lot of things from a smile, the outfit or what you say make the difference; however these two questions have me a little perplexed. I think it depends on the ...

Piece #1 - The Beginning

I guess like embarking on any puzzle, it must always starts with the first piece. So to begin, I have Asperger's Syndrome, in other words I'm Autistic, and so this literature will be about my struggles with this disorder as an adult. I was first diagnosed back in the summer of 2004. If it wasn't for my twin daughters, I might not have ever known all the questions I have ever had in life; to them, I will always be in their debt. Growing up, you are never really aware of any differences until the judgment years...6th thru 12th grade of school. A time when one always tests their own humanity against others; meaning, how will I measure up against other students. In my eyes I seemed to be just like them; two arms and legs, ten fingers and toes, head and body...nothing unusual. Yet, for some reason, I was treated a little different than everyone else. That's one of those things that you can't quite put your finger on, but I observed on many occasions how kids would talk...

Broken Piece #2 - Susan Boyle

For those of you who are not sure who is Susan Boyle, she was the second place winner to the show "Britain's Got Talent" in 2009. She sang the famous song from Les Misérables "I Dreamed the Dream". Since the show, Susan had been making guest appearances on a variety of shows and recorded several albums. Susan's first album alone broke several chart-records and was very well received around the world. I believe why she had such incredible appeal was because she was a perfect representative of all the 'regular people' in the world. She didn't come in flashy or striking but, modest and humble. When a person like Susan is thrown into the whirlwind of concerts, parties, media, and money, it's very difficult to stay grounded and not having your own personal world torn apart. Sadly for Susan Boyle, her tiny universe is crumbling. First, she did have a health scare when she was diagnosed with type 2 diabetes that prompted her to lose weight. Se...

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